Will Write for Food

I just needed to write. I'm sitting at work, I just wasted like ten minutes interviewing an intern candidate who really isn't a fit.
Why doesn't anyone give you any help when you graduate from college? When you graduate from High School, which, let's face it, any dope can do - you get a big old open house. You get presents and letters and MONEY for the beginning of your independent life. And what do you do with that? Well I was a stupid eighteen-year-old kid, so I spent the money, I used the gifts, and I still needed food. I went to college, I relied a lot on my parents.
When you're in college you have all sorts of financial help - you can get loans, you can get grants, your life is paid for. And going to college is HARD, or at least it was for my simple mind. My teachers all seemed to think their class was my only class, and I was the one student who was supposed to meet their high expectations. And I'm a perfectionist that wants to be liked by everyone, so I would go above and beyond in my assignments. It didn't go unnoticed, I have at least six or seven teachers I can count on for a letter of reccommendation if I need it. But then you graduate. You took out loans to get that degree, and worked your butt off to earn it. A summer of working seventeen hours a day to make sure those loans are as small as possible seems wasted because you still owe an unseemly amound of money.
Here's the kicker - you go to college to make more money, but people don't want a college graduate, they want an individual with experience. Well, you have bills to pay, so you take that low-end receptionist job that any schmuck can do, you rock it, and you're still only making $25,000 a year. Yeah, you could've made that without the education thank you very much, and now you have to spend 1/5 of your yearly income on student loans.
Why didn't I get a big party and lots of gifts and money when I graduated from college? I have no grants or loans to fall back on now. And graduating from college is a HUGE accomplishment! I EARNED that degree that my parents have yet to send me.
Why aren't employers lining up at my door because I earned straight A's? Why aren't creditors knocking over each other to give me a car loan because I have an exceptional credit score? Why am I stuck in a six-girl townhouse where the people there the month before me didn't pay their rent? Why does my renter expect ME to pay that?! I work hard, I WORKED hard! What did I earn?
No car.
Debt.
Boring job that I'm not passionate about.
Yes I know, I need to work on that, if I really want a better job I'll get one, but where? Not where I want to live. I want to write, I want to write all day every day, and then I want to take that writing and edit the crap out of it! I could just write forever, I can't talk, I can't speak, I have to see it, I have to write it. I want things to be perfect and the only way words can be perfect is if they're written. I can do that. I'm a fantastic writer, please  give me a writing job, I'll take less than I'm making now.

Grace

So its been forever since I've posted. I just wanted to write, and I thought, where can I write that no one will see it? And so I ended up blogging.
I'm so happy with Joey. He just wants me to be happy, and he pushes for it hard. He loves me so much, and he always keeps the big picture in mind in spite of me.
I love my savior. I love the saving grace that changes everything, that makes life brand new. I love how Joseph Smith said "Our Heavenly Father is more liberal in his views and boundless in His mercies and blessings, than we are ready to believe or receive." Grace, salvation, it comes, it's available, and he's so ready to give it! Oh my Lord, he loves us so much! He loves me, he has saved me! He gives me the grace to move forward in my life, he loves me enough to make up for all of the stupid things I've done. As I say that I begin to forget and all I want to do is praise him, serve him, and show him that his sacrifice was worth it, because my soul is worth it! It is as Elder Holland said, "surely the thing God enjoys most about being God is the thrill of being merciful, especially to those who don’t expect it and often feel they don’t deserve it."
I can't even begin to imagine how God feels in that aspect. I'll bet a bishop gets to feel it to, when someone confesses a serious sin to him and he watches as they repent and he gets to say "it's okay now, it's gone, it's done." What blessed people, what a blessed faith. We are so lucky!